Why most Relationship don’t last
Relationships in this days are pretty stressful. Some relationships are beautiful at a start and still end in pains. Why is it so? Couples dated exclusively. They immersed themselves in one another’s lives.
They knew each other’s families. Their courtship was pretty lengthy before moving onto marriage and kids.
Most relationships don’t last because most people are new into it and do not understand it. Don’t believe it? “Fact is that the word “new” creates an itch that we need to scratch. That “itch” is called dopamine, which is a chemical that gets released in your brain.
Pleasure is created, which in turn creates addiction. Nearly every drug that people abuse affects dopamine systems in the brain. When we hear about something new, it pings these systems. We have to know more about it. Need to try it. Need to have it.
Beginning of a Relationship
At the beginning, it’s exciting. You’re constantly learning new things about each other, and you’re always having new experiences: your first date, the first time you have sex, your first vacation. The list goes on, filled with new experiences and surprises.
During that stage, your partner intoxicates you because, in a sense, it’s like she’s a drug. Your experiences with her tap into your dopamine system. That newness affects your brain and in a very real way, making you psychologically addicted to this person. It works the other way around, too. She becomes addicted to the newness and discovery of being with you.
This is why most relationships don’t last: In the early stages, the relationship is built on the foundation of discovery, leading to rushes of dopamine. While you can’t say it’s the best game plan for a deep, long-term connection, it certainly can create a powerful surface connection with someone.
Then, as the relationship progresses, you continue to learn more about this person, and they learn more about you. The discoveries become fewer and farther between. The dopamine rushes dry up. You (or her) start looking elsewhere for these feelings of novelty, neglecting your relationship.
Most relationships don’t last because they lose the thing that held them together in the first place.
So, what can we do to avoid running into these problems down the line? It depends on a few keys:
- Make sure that your relationship is based on something deeper than your dopamine systems.
- Most relationships don’t last because they simply never get past the surface.
That’s perfectly OK; many relationships just aren’t meant to be, but if you want yours to last, then you need to build a connection that’s deep enough to withstand a drop-off in the “new relationship” feelings of addiction.
Improve your relationship
Many people have boundaries in a relationship. They only want to let a person in so far, and then they hold that person right there.
The longer you’re with someone, the more you should try to let them into your life. Trust them more. Share more with them. Be more of yourself. Wear fewer masks.
In this way, your partner can discover more about you, and you can still create many of those feelings of novelty. If you keep those barriers up, then you’re not allowing the relationship to grow. When something isn’t growing, it’s often dying.
Never stop growing as a person.
Never stop working on yourself. Not only will life be more interesting, but you’ll be more interesting to those around you. The more fresh ideas you’re bringing into the relationship, the fresher the relationship will feel.
Most relationships don’t just work out. That’s just the sad truth. But it doesn’t have to be that way for you.
If you understand what initially sparks a relationship and know how to keep that spark alive, then you truly could find someone awesome and be happy with them for a lifetime.