One of the questions I see most often among women in relationships of all stages is “Why doesn’t he make me more of a priority in his life??”
You don’t feel like he puts you first…but that’s really important in a relationship! Right?
Not feeling like your man is making you his top priority can leave you feeling upset, confused, and resentful. After all, he’s always on your mind. How could he not be? You love him!
So why aren’t you on his mind more often?? Sometimes it seems like you’re the last thing on his mind! That’s not how things are supposed to be!
When your relationship is a struggle to make him see that you should come first…
You’ll spend thirty minutes coming up with the perfect selfie text to send him while he’s at work so he’ll be thinking of you. You consult with your girlfriends to see if they think it’s a good one. They approve. You click “send” and you check your phone every couple of minutes in anticipation.
You either get no reply at all or else it takes him ages to text back and he barely gives you a response, much less the one you were hoping for. You analyze your text to see what you could have done better but come up with nothing.
Your friends are all disappointed right along with you and assure you that you deserve better. You’re more outspoken friends say that you should dump him and find someone who appreciates you properly.
You don’t want to leave. But you’re starting to think that you’ll never come first with him and you begin to feel like he just doesn’t want to be with you as much as you want to be with him.
He’s never actually said that to you but it’s pretty obvious isn’t it? He puts practically everything ahead of you! His job, his friends, his family, his dog…even tv and video games are more important than you are sometimes.
You try to get him to see that you need more but only it seems to make want to spend even less time with you…
Why your need to be a priority is something you should examine more closely
While you obviously don’t want to be all but ignored for the rest of your life, you should understand that a strong desire to be a priority is based on your own need for security.
You have an idea in your head of just how much time your man should spend focused on you and when you don’t get it, you begin to have doubts about the relationship. You may even start to complain and make demands for more time together.
And why wouldn’t you?
Everywhere you look you see examples of how relationships should be. Books, tv shows, movies, articles in magazines, and even some relationship experts are all telling you that a “real man” will’ make you the center of his life.
Real men should reply to every text and not with one word answers. Real men plan date nights for the two of you without being asked. Real men make a woman feel loved and cherished every second of her life. It goes on and on.
Men are often expected to walk this very narrow relationship tightrope that makes a woman the center of his universe without crossing over into being needy. But it’s just not possible to stay balanced on that rope all of the time.
It’s exhausting and it inevitably leads to dissatisfaction, arguments, and eventually…breakup.
How To Make Him Treat You Like A Priority
Women who have the most long lasting, happy, and loving connections with their men know that the key isn’t to be a man’s number one priority all of the time and that guys change priority out of love and respect, not demand. These women know that they are an additional priority in his life. They are not replacing or taking the lead over his other priorities. While women are incredible multi-taskers and can have many things on their minds at once, most men prefer to focus on one thing at a time and give it their undivided attention.
So when a man is at work, his number one priority is going to be his job.
And you want that! His work is a vital part of his life.
All of his other priorities are a vital part of his life. Even the ones you consider to be silly. Otherwise they wouldn’t be a part of it. And the more you respect and support those other parts of his life, the more satisfaction he gets from them and the more free he is to give you his undivided attention when his focus is on you.
Supporting his other priorities is not that hard to do, especially when you do it consistently and start to see him feeling closer to you and wanting to make you his focus more often.
How you show your support and respect is really very simple…
Just because you can text him at work doesn’t mean you should!
Reserve texts and phone calls for important matters. Don’t interrupt his work day just to send him a selfie or tell him that you love him.
You wouldn’t interrupt a heart surgeon in the middle of a triple bypass with a text just because you’re bored and thinking of him, right?
Respect your man’s job that much. It doesn’t matter if he’s a janitor or an airline pilot in the middle of hurricane season. You’re not respecting the job, you’re respecting that your man is at his work and that is where his focus needs to be.
The same goes for all of his other priorities. Support and respect them and do it because that’s the kind of partner you want to be.
This includes tv and video games or any other form of solo entertainment your particular guy depends on.
Everyone needs down time. And everyone has their own way of doing it. Always remember, if he needed it before he met you, he will most likely still need it after you’re together.
Supported and respected down time leads to him wanting to voluntarily spend MORE time with you once he’s decompressed. It’s not exactly quality down time if you’re standing there sighing or staring at him with your arms folded waiting for him to be finished.
It may or may not be satisfying down time for him if you try to share this time with him. That depends on his ability to focus with you there and if you can fit in and be part of it instead of trying to distract him and become his main focus. Many couples have great down time together but it’s very important to let your guy retreat to his man cave and relax without you for a while if he needs that too.
And if you’re thinking right now, “Why do I have to support and respect this stuff? What’s he going to respect and support for ME?”, then it’s probably time to remind you that keeping score has no place in a healthy relationship. Ever.
However, the more a man feels support and respect from his partner, the more irresistible she will be to him. A man who has this will nearly always instinctively want to see to it that the woman he loves has the best life he can offer her.
He will often follow her lead and begin to show the same respect and support without being asked. He will also feel that he can love and trust her more deeply, be more connected to her, and be more present with her.
So the time you do have with him will be fully focused quality time. It is up to you to appreciate it, make it count, and not waste it resenting him for not giving you more.
However, even if you do everything right and give him the space he needs something in his life might make him start unconsciously pulling away from you and losing interest, which will ruin your relationship and drive him away from you 100% of the time unless you stop it before it’s too late.