Preventing The Crash Of A New Relationship
A new relationship can appear very, very promising. It’s like taking on in an exciting adventure of promises and lots of expectations. From wanting to always be there for your partner – being the one s/he calls first when in duress or in need of company, to expecting same whenever you are in need of company.
And the circle can go on and on for a long time, or for a very short time — because despite all the green lights of exciting optimism, the early periods of any new relationship could be a ticking time bomb, and if the wrong wires are pulled (by any partner), it may only speed up the catastrophe of such relationship.
Essentially, one must know that sincere communication is an indispensable tool a relationship must have if it will survive. However, too much of everything becomes an overdose, and an overdose can be poisonous, and a poison that lingers for (too) long in the body, kills — kills even a new relationship.
What I’m saying is, there are things you should try to avoid in the early stages of your relationship if you really wish to keep it. They are the buttons you really don’t want to push if you truly value what you have — and though these buttons might be numerous,
I’ve listed and explained a few number that I consider very pertinent having made my research and observations.
Being too sensitive/jealous: This is one red flag you wouldn’t want to raise in the early part of your relationship. Whether your partner appear too wild, or too quiet – thus prone to the judgement of being secretive, you must avoid the temptation of jumping fast, into conclusions as that often breeds distrust — and distrust is one sure poison that kills any relationship really fast. It isn’t wrong to be a sensitive partner, but make sure to first understand the other person’s character, and try to engage him/her in sincere communications first.
Putting up performances: No doubt, being in a relationship with a new partner is exciting, and thus each partner would want to die-hard impress the other. But that could as well be a reckless move, and might sooner or later be very toxic for that relationship to survive — because when “you put a bit of a show, you’re (only) trying to perform instead of being authentic” says Dating Coach Persia Lawson. And that is an exhausting pretense to maintain long term. Why not just be yourself? If you’re trying too hard to perform around someone, they’re probably not the right person for you anyway.
Moving too fast: Telling someone you think s/he is your soul mate after a date or two is not great for everybody. “it’s ok to take things at a slower pace” says Anmanda Major, a therapist. “People want to get in there and meet friends and parents and live in each other’s lives after only a short time, but it’s ok to take it at a slower pace”. If you go rushing, posting all sort of pictures with romantic captions about the both of you, and the whole thing collapses only after three months, you may end up feeling bereft.
Not establishing clear boundaries: The first three months of a relationship set the tone for the rest of your time together. If you’ve allowed the relationship to be on your partner’s terms, you will find it hard to come back from that. “You need to respect yourself and have clear boundaries when it comes to boundaries when it comes to dating someone” says Lawson. Be careful though, you’re not setting terms — not exactly, but be confident enough to set your beliefs clearly, in order to avoid conflict later on.
These are only a few explained red buttons you must try not to push in your relationship, there are a host of others — from being over-inquisitive, to being too secretive, to revealing too much too soon- the list is ever going. Notwithstanding, the most important thing is to keep it real, and try as much as possible to engage in sincere communication with the other person. Happy love life!
The Guardian Media News limited