Resolving trust issues starts with learning to truly trust yourself before you can trust someone else.
Once upon a time, some early human screwed up and gave some other early human a reason to distrust. And from that seed blossomed “trust issues.” Around the globe, in bedrooms, boardrooms, and even on playgrounds, we’ve become a society built on trust issues.
To trust someone, without having trust issues, is to trust ourselves enough to reveal our authentic selves fully.
A loving relationship can be a beautiful union of two people. To achieve this goal, there are several aspects within the relationship that need to function optimally. The most important aspect is trust. Trust is built and maintained by many small actions over time. If trust begins to falter, fear can take over, judgment can become clouded and doubt and suspicion may grow.
For a happy relationship to work, the people involved must be able to trust each other. Couples often wonder how to fix trust issues, especially because, at the beginning of a relationship, things typically seem rosy and beautiful. There is usually a lot of excitement and small transgressions are easily forgiven and set-aside. Once you get past the initial infatuation, however, and the relationship begins to blossom, you truly begin to learn where the relationship is headed and a deep foundation of trust can begin to develop or diffuse. Your subconscious will begin seeking answers to the questions:
- Does this person honor what he says?
- Is he open about his feelings, even the negative ones?
- Do his actions communicate the same message as his words?
The answers to these questions help you determine if it is safe to trust this person or not.
When both people are honest, open and trustworthy, couples can easily grow confident in the path their relationship is on within a few weeks. Within this trusting relationship, it becomes easy for them to decide what the future holds for them together. Sometimes, unfortunately, when either one or both people in a relationship have a hard time opening their heart to trusting one another, it can grow very frustrating. If there is genuine desire to build a loving relationship, however, this frustration does not have to mean the end. Every relationship hits a few roadblocks during its course. The key is to fix trust issues or anything else and work toward resolving them.
So, here are five tips that will help you trust more easily and openly in your life:
1. Trust Yourself
I know it’s already been said, but this is truly the starting point of resolving trust issues. In the somewhat similar words of Ru Paul, “If you can’t trust yourself, how the hell ya ever going to trust someone else?” (Uh hum! Preach, sistah!)
2. Define What Trust Means
… for you and your partner. Hello, we ain’t mind readers, and if you believe you are, then why are you having trust issues? You’d already know what your partner is thinking.
For the rest of us, ask (as in: your partner … for the info you need) and ye shall receive. Talk about trust. Discuss it! Discover what might make trust issues arise in your unique relationship.
3. Take A Look In The Mirror
I hate to say it, but often, trust issues arise because what you see in someone else is an issue directly reflecting something you don’t want to see in yourself.
It could be that you’re fearful your partner is cheating because you’re the considering an affair (or might already be involved physically or emotionally with someone else). You may not even realize it’s causing wicked scripts of “Cheater is as cheater does,” to play out in the fabulous stage play that is your real life.
Look at yourself, and ask, “What’s really going on with my trust issues?” The honest answer may shock you, but it could also stop you from being a crazy maker.
4. Have An Open Relationship
GASP. Did I just advocate having an open relationship? YES!
As in an “open, transparent, let’s communicate, and quit hiding that we each have trust issues, admit our stuff” relationship.
No, this doesn’t mean you take on different lovers (although if that makes the trust issues scamper away, more power to you). But what I’m really advocating for is being open and vulnerable so that trust issues become dead non-issues, rather than a dead relationship!
5. Give Trust To Get Trust
If you put trust in, you’ll get some back. One of the hardest parts about trust, and resolving trust issues, is giving trust freely. However, when it’s a gift that keeps on giving, then it’s easy to see trust issues retreat.
That said, the moment you take trust without giving it back in return, you’ve abused the vulnerable gesture the other person offered you. And, no one appreciates being abused!
Regardless of the circumstances, and irrespective of your sexual orientation, trust issues are an issue we ALL face.
Whether it starts with a little white lie or explodes from the bombshell of infidelity, trust is trust! Personally, once those little tongue twisters get resolved, I realize, because I trust myself, it’s easier to address trust issues head-on in all my relationships.
Now that I’ve resolved my issues, I’m the perfect partner, the perfect mother, the perfect ex-wife, and the perfect life coach. “Trust” me, it’s true … (NOT!)
However, I have discovered that it’s now much easier to admit when I’m struggling with my trust issues, talk through them, and even remain open to hearing when others don’t entirely trust me.
The lesson learned? Ultimately, trust issues kill the beauty of trusting that you can have a truly happy and love-filled life. Now get out there and start trusting again!
Ready for a shot of self-love, confidence, and I’m good enough? Set up an introductory coaching session with Lady Prowess today, and let’s get your trust on!